her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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