I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
