Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
