Cold hands, warm shart.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
