I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Welp...herpes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
