My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
