It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize