just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
