Someone shit on the floor
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
