Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
