I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
