Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
nutella sex= disaster
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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