Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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