I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
