dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
