addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
