tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
