Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
