He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
