True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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