I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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