Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
