I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
