Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
