I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
