hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was born a porn star she said
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
