i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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