a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
