your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
