i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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