My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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