Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
