I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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