Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
