Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
did you just send me my own nude
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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