I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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