My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
