My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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