I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Houston, we have a blender
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
