I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i think my tv is drunk
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
