ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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