Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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