I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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