Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
