Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
