I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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