remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
