My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
