One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
