dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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