when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
