Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
